The Libmeister's Diary
by BritEH
Summary: the diary of Libby at age 14, after she finds georgia's diary.... chaos ensues after a number of bizaire events
1. Libmeister's intro

Hello dudes and dudettes.

This is the Libsmeister coming to you from the space that is my room.

I have found a stash of Georgia's old diaries under her bed, and, I can tell you that I am not as bad as she said I was.

I have decided to create a diary of my own, full of snogging, mates, school, boys, my so-called life and events that make this diary very much like Georgia's except mine will be honest and truthful….and Georgia's was full of porkies Anyway, Pip-pip for now 

xoxo Libs xoxo


	2. cheesy snacks and oscar

A/N: i didnt not invent the nicolsons, Louise rennison did. the only characters i evneted was lib's friends

**Thursday, August 31st**

**4:44 pm**

**In my room**

Staring out of my window all dreamy dreamy looking at Oscar Across-the-road. He really is quite good looking. I could just sit here all day watching him…

Oh godddddddddd.

He's seen me

**4:45 pm**

He's seen me. He's seen me staring at him.

Oh goddddddddd. Now he's winking at me. What's he winking for?

shutupshutup winking at me!

**4:50 pm**

oh. I get it now.

He wants me to come down and talk to him.

Perhaps he wants to be my official snog partner.

Despite the fact that I'm 14, and he goes to uni in Scotland for most of the year.

Still. Maybe we could have one of those long distance wotsits. Relationships.

Perhaps he thinks I am the most beautiful thing on two legs since … two legged things.

**5:20 pm**

**Sitting on the garden wall**

"Hello Liberty."

"Hey Oscar"

"I saw you looking at me"

I grinned and laughed in an unattractive way

He laughed " You just can't resist my manly charms can you kiddo?"

**5:25 pm**

Apparently he has a serious girlfriend in Scotland.

_Merde_

He called me kiddo

Double _merde _and poo

I really need to get a life.

**7:30 pm**

**In bed**

I am in bed at 7:30 at night.

On my last day of freedom.

Because there is nothing better to do.

Nothing. At all.

**7:34 pm**

Vati (leader of loon planet) yelled up the stairs

"Liberty, one of your mates is calling…I think they may have run out of lippy! Quick, it could be a matter of national importance!"

ha-di-ha-ha. Very funny. Not

I ran down the stairs to stop the poor fool on the other end (most likely Sherna or Jenn) from being exposed to my vati.

"Bonsoir ma petite amie!"

"Hey Libs"

"Bex! I thought you went out with the gang?"

"No, the show at The Pirate's Swoop was sold out"

"Really?"

"Yeah, so could we hold a gang meeting at yours?"

I thought for a moment "That might not be a good idea. Do you really want to be exposed to my vati in a pink shirt and transvestite apron?"

"What?"

"Never mind my dim little pal, just tell the others to be here by 8 ish"

"Ok."

"Toodle-pip Bex"

**7:36 pm**

Sadly it is true about my vati the transvestite.

I saw him this morning wearing a salmon coloured shirt and a Masonic apron.

He was also making eggs.

Soon he will marry a man and we will have to call him Dolly or some horribly naff name like that

**7:37 pm**

Still, on the bright side, if he married a man, it would mean I wouldn't have to deal with him asking me how my studying is going. And he wouldn't be able to poke his nose into business which clearly isn't his.

**10:00 pm**

I am full of exhaustosity and tiredosity.

And also quite possibly bonkers.

It was a fab meeting.

Sherna and Jenn brought round lots of cheesy snacks, and Bex came with her latest copy of Cosmo, and Jamie brought hot goss and news.

"So who do you like Libs?" asked Jamie

"Oscar." I said

Jenn nearly chocked on her cheesy snacks "You mean Oscar who lives across the road?"

"Yes sir" I paused as Jenn snickered "Well, he is quite gorgey." I said to defend myself

"Yes, but have you actually talked with him?" asked Bex

"Yes" I said. "Today actually"

They were all agog as agog things. Ha. That had gotten their attention

"What happened?" asked Jenn slowly

"Did you snog?" asked Sherna

"Tell us everything" quipped Jamie

"We didn't snog." I said "We just talked"

"Just talked!" yelped Bex "Well did he do any of that funny see you later stuff?"

"He said…" I paused, trying to remember "He said 'see you later kiddo"

"he called you kiddo!" said Jenn, appopleptic with laughter. Bex had to hold her so she didn't fall off the chair.

"Yeah but to be fair, he did also say 'see you later'" said Sherna

"But maybe he meant it in a brotherly way."

I started laughing like a loon. "We are talking about the same Oscar right?"

"Yes" they replied

"The Oscar who would have sex with anything on two legs?"

"LIBS!" yelped Bex "Too much information!. But yeah I see what you mean"

"What's all this about?" asked Vati "You have school tomorrow Liberty. Everybody out!"

poo and merde.

thats when my horrible Vati kicked everybody out


	3. The wedding bells are ringing

**Friday September 1st**

**9:05 am**

**Assembly**

Slim is rambling on about resposibilty and knowledge, kindness and so on. And about boys not being allowed on school property.

I turned to the gang "Maybe if Slim got a bit of regular snogging she wouldn't be so horrible"

They all nodded like nodding loons.

We got in a bit of trouble when Weedy Rebecca saw Bex , Jenn, Sherna, Jamieand I doing pretend snogging as we left assembly.

**10:15 am**

**Slim's office**

"I am not surprised that you, Liberty Nicolson, would achieve a bad conduct mark within the first hour of school."

Sherna snickered 'Slim…erm I mean Ms. Simpson?"

"Yes Ms. Khalwar?"

"Can we go back to class now?"

"NO!" she paused "You all have a week's cloakroom duty!"

Only for a week? She must be going mad… I thought she was going to boil us alive.

**10:25 am**

**RE**

Ms. Wilson, the tragically old spinster, is rambling on about relationships and marriage, things which she would know nothing about.

**10:29 am**

**RE**

some tres gorgey garcon has wandered into the class

"Sally, will you introduce me to this lovely class" said a deep voice from the doorway.

the gang turned to look. There he was, tall, with curly black hair, green eyes, and coffee coloured skin. and he was FRENCH. He was by far, the most gorgeous man i had ever seen. far sexier than Oscar, anyway.

perhaps he wanted to take me awayand have me be his child bride.

hang on, ms. wilson is saying something

"Class, this is my fiance, Pierre."  
Jenn raised her hand "Did you just say he was your fiance?" "Yes jennifer, he is my fiance."

"ooer" muttered Jamie

""Does that mean you're going away?" asked Bex

"Yes" she replied

"For good?" asked sherna

"No. just until october"

Sherna turned to me."I bet they're gonna do it when they get married"

ERLACK/...

i must not think of them getting all teh way.

**6:30 pm**

**in my room...**

yesh yesh and three times yesh!  
Georgia, my loony older sister, is coming to visit.

she said she needed to discuss somethings with M and V

i wonder what she could possible need to discuss.

Perhaps she is going to beg mum and dad to let me go and live with her in London.

Yeah right. HAHAHAH

even if that was why she was here, Vati would never let me go all teh way to London to see my darling sister. He barely even lets me out to go visit Jenn, and she olny lives down the road.


	4. Georgia's news

**a/n: i didnt invent any1 here**

* * *

**10:00 pm**

**georgia has arrived. actually, she looks quite a bit heavier than she did last time i saw her.**

**i wonder what has happend**

**"Mum, Dad, Libs" she said "I have something to tell you"**

**mum looked at her and dad just groaned "What do you need now Gee? some new shoes?" he snikered**

**Gee looked up at him, all hurting-ly "No dad, this is erm...a bit more serious than that"**

**"Do you have cancer?" i asked**

**"No"  
"Did you get arrested or something?"**

**"NO!" she yelled "Libby just BE QUIET!**

**i was just slinking up the stairs when i heard what she said **

**"Mum, Dad, i'm pregnant"**

**10:15 pm**

**In my room**

**busy listening through the grate**

**All hell has just broken loose. dad is yelling and crying at the same time, and mum is just asking her how she was soo stupid.**

**too bad i couldnt hear better**

**10:20 pm**

**have just discovered i can hear then perfectly.**

**"What happened?" asked mum **

**"is it robbie?"barkeddad**

**"No"**

**"Masimo?" **

**"no" **

**"Dave?"**

**"NO!" she was crying, i could hear her "Dad, i ...i... I don't know"**

**"How can you not know?" he yelled "Georgia you are the most childish, irresponsible, immature..."**

**"Bob. leave her alone. Gee, how long ago was this?"**

**"A while ago" she said softly**

**"HOW LONG?" asked dad**

**"8 months ago..." she said " i thought i should come down and tell you before..."**

**" YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING" he yelled "you've given us no bloody notice once again! georgia i can't belive this"**

**10:30 pm**

**georgia has snuggled beside me in bed.**

**"Gee" **

**"Yes libs"**

**"Who is it?"**

**"Libby, if i told you..." she sighed "Night Libs"**

**"Night Gee"**

* * *

**sry guys, a bit more serious this time, but it will get funny again, i swear**


	5. The Talk

**Saturday, Sept 2nd**

**9:00 am**

**Up at the crack of crack.**

**Why is georgia up already?**

**it's only 9:00**

**on a saturday.**

**9:33 am**

**"Libby Get Up!"**

**"Why?" i asked**

**"We're going on a family outing..." yelled mum from outside my door. **

**Family outing? **

**I can only remember 3 'Family outings'. **

**Once,Vati fell down a badger hole.**

**The second time, Mutti's bikini top'fell' off in the public pool**

**The third time, Grandad nearly drowned in our paddling pool and Vati had to call emergency services...**

**12:30 pm**

**I have been dragged here under duress.**

**actually, the only reason i came was because none of my so-called mates were home. they've probably gone out together. They probably have actually. Nobody cares about me. **

4:00 pm

Finally back at loon central. thank baby jesus's trousers nothing catastrophic happpened

4:15 pm

Ooer!

lad alert!

oscar across the road is mowing his lawn without a shirt...

i wonder...if he would notice if i just sort off shouted 'hey hot stuff' out my window...

4:25 pm

"Libby, do you really fancy me?"

What do i say...Oscar i fancy you socks off and want to go all the way right here...or do i saw No, Oscar, you are a repulsive, ugly, cretin?

"Nghhhhhhhhh"

"What?"

"Yghhhhhhh"

"What?"

"YES, I FANCY YOU OK?"

Oh dear. perhaps that was little too strong

"Libby...I er...wanted to say this before but"

"Your girlfriend was there?"

"Er...no actually, i dont have a girlfriend"

"Really?"

"Yes. Libby...erm...ok...I..." then he snogged me he SNOGGED me!

"Lets go see a film sometime...ok?"

he went back to mowing the lawn, and i pranced back inside as happy as a happy thing.

5:30 pm

"Who was that boy you were with?" demanded vati as soon as i got through the door

"What boy?" i asked

"Albert...Andrew...whatever his name is across the road"

"Oscar?"

"Yes. him. what were you doing?"

"erm...talking"

"Oh really..." said mutti "i thought i saw a snog"

Vati went balistisicmus then "But he's almost georgia's age!" he ranted and raved about how im much too young to be dating

7:30 pm

In my room. hiding from the olds.

i dont see the big deal. i mean, georgia went out with Robbie,

and he was older.

and she was 14.

7:31 pm

ok, and now shes preggers

but still.

just the thought of the full monty makes me feel sick...

8:00

i mean...i dont see how georgia could have done...

ERLACK!

i think i must go to bed now.

night night one and all

Sunday, Sept 3rd

11:15 am

as usual, muti has not bothered to make a yummy sunday breakfast...in fact, she and dad are sitting at the table, looking very serious

scary bannanas

11:16 am

I wonder what they want

11:18 am

I get it.

they want to 'have a talk' with me...

11:30

After fumbling around for a bazillion hours, vati speaks

"Libby, i know you think you're a big girl now"

_Oh dear lord save me... its the sex talk_

he continues "but really, you're only 14...and oscar is?..."

"um 22"

"22. right...sooo um sometimes, older men only want to um...help me out dear"

"Libsy, what your dad is saying is that you and oscar probably dont have that much in common...and he might want something more out of the relationship." says mutti

"Like sex?" i ask

"Er yes...like that" says vati,

"Libs, darling...sex is something that happens when two responsible, mature people love each other very much" explains mum

"Or...they could be stupid, and immature, people who get preggers...like Georgia"

"Liberty! dont be cheeky!"

"Bob..i'll handle this..." said mutti"Yes libby, and thats why we dont think you should see oscar"

"In case i get knocked up?"

"Erm yes...libby...do you know where babies come from?" asked vati

"YES" i yelped before making a mad dash to my room


	6. He PHONED

Noon

Now I have babies on the brain.

Vati actually refered to his erm…doodad …as a "baby making machine"

How pervy can you get?

Ewww….

1:30

Mobile rang.

"Hello, is Libby there?"

"Hello?...who is this?"

"It's Oscar. From across the road"

"Oh yeah hi!" I said, hoping that I sounded mature and sophisticated, and not a confused immature twat. How an earth did he get my mobile number?

"I met your mate, Jenn, when I was out at the shops earlier, she gave me your number…should I not have rung?"

"Oh no, I don't mind…" I would have to have a mately chat avec Jenn about given mate's mobile numbers out to blokes on the street. Even if said mate happened to be totally in lurve with said boy.

"Look, I'm not busy later on, and I was wondering if you wanted to go to see a film tonight?"

"I'd love to…but the warden won't let me out on a school night."

"The warden?" he asked confused.

"My vati…"

"Oh. Libby…"

"What?" I panicked

"Maybe…maybe you're just too young. You have school, you have to listen to your parents…"

"No!" I yelped "I mean No…I'll come out with you tonight…I'll…I'll sneak out. That is if you still want to." I replied

"Sure babe. Meet me at the theatre at 8"

"laters" I said.

2:00 pm

I'm going on a date !!

With Oscar !!

2:30 pm

I only have 5 and a half hours to get ready.

What should I wear….

I can't decide between my little miniskirt or my black, tres sophisticated capris from ASDA.

What top should I wear? My black polo neck, or my little black tank top that says "snog" and lips on it.

I don't want to look like a prozzie. But I defiantly want to look older.

3:30 pm

Have decided on black ASDA pants and "Snog" tank top.

Have also borrowed a pair of black prozzie boots from Georgia and mum's chanel purse. I hope they don't notice….

4:00 pm.

I was just laying on my bed, minding my own business, when Georgia walked in.

"Hey Libs. What are you so dressed up for?"

"What do you mean?" I asked

"You're dressed to nicely for a Sunday after noon"

"Well maybe I always dress like this!" I said indignantly

"So you always borrow mum's chanel handbag?" she asked, looking at me sceptically "And…are those my boots?"

I Just looked at her without saying anything.

"C'mon Libs, who's the boy?"

"What?"

"Well….I only ever dressed like that when I was going out and trying to look older than I was. Or when I was trying to impress some boy I was chasing" she looked at me

"It's a boy." I said

"Really?" Who is it?" she asked

I just looked at her, hoping she wouldn't go totally spazzoid when I told her.

"It's Oscar" I said "From across the road."

4:30 pm.

Georgia's starting to scare me. She hasn't said anything in 10 minutes and she's gone really pale.

"Gee?" I ask "Are you OK?"

"Libby…" she whispered "Libby. You can't go out with him."

"Yes I can." I said "And you can't stop me. Christ on a bike, you sound just like Vati."

"Libs…" she looked genuily concerned for me. "I have my reasons for saying what I said, please, don't go out with him"

"Yeah. Because you want him for yourself" I retorted.

She glared at me. "Fine. Go out with him if you really want to. Don't worry, I won't tell dad.

"Really? Thanks Gee"

She turned around as she walked out of the room "Just don't come crying to me if something happens."

5:15 pm

What does she mean 'If something happens'?

Still, at least she isn't telling the prison warden.

7:15 pm

I was just creeping out the door, when Vati saw me.

"Where do you think you're going Liberty Nicolson?"

"Um. I'm going to Sherna's to do some French homework

"Really?" asks dad, looking at me strangely "How do I know you're not going to meet some boy?"

"Oh Bob." Said mum from the kitchen "I'm sure she's not going to meet some boy. Just let her go"

"Alright." He said, as I shut the door behind me.


	7. Thats when i puked on the floor

Monday,

Noon.

I am grounded.

From everything.

Including that rotting hell pit otherwise known as school.

This is a blessing in disguise as it means that I am free from the kingdom of slim for the next three days.

Unfortunalty, I can't see my mates, vati has confiscated my mobile so I can't even talk to my mates, and I still have to do my schoolwork.

Fortunatly, Georgia is watching me everyday until 6 (when m & v get home) so I may be able to get an hour or two of freedom out of her.

When I told Vati I was not a child and could be left alone when he and mum went to work, he laughed at me and said that after my actions last night, I deserved to be treated like a child.

12:30 pm

I may as well describe last night, as I have nothing better to do.

I met gorgey Oscar at the cinema around 7:45 and we went to go see some new Bond movie. I don't remember what it was called, I didn't really like it, it was a bit too boyish for me.

After the film, Oscar said he knew a really good place where we could go and hang out for a bit. I looked at my watch and realised I didn't have to be home for another hour, so I agreed.

We walked to a pub,

and I was about to remind him about my age… really, I was, but then I thought he might not want to go out with me if I did, so I shut up and followed him inside.

Everybody in the pub knew him. The barman gave him "the regular". Whatever that means. I think it means he goes to the pub a lot. I hope he isn't an android….oh no. wait. I mean an alcoholic.

Anyway, so the barman looks at me and says "An' what will it be for the lady?" and I was just about to say that I didn't drink when Oscar says "She'll have a peach cooler"

What? Whatisthat?

He handed it too me, and it was nice, quite sweet actually, it didn't taste gross, like vati's beer had.

It was so good, that I'd finished it before I noticed.

"Would you like another Libby?" asked Oscar

"Sure" I said, without thinking,

He handed it to me, and as I put it down, he turned around to snog.

Ohmygiddygod. Oscar is quite possibly the best snogger in the kingdom of snogdom. In fact, I bet he is the king of snogdom!

I was just about to say this, when I realised that he probably wouldn't appreciate the statement, as we were in a pub and not a school dance. I had to be cool and sophis.

I was well into my third drink when I realised I had to go to the loo.

"Hang on Oscar" I said "I just have to pop into the loo…"

"I'll still be here when you get back" he smiled at me and went back to talking to the barman.

I was nearly there when I bumped into a table full of girls about Georgia's age.

"uoh sorries" I muttered trying to get by them.

One of the girls caught my arm as I stumbled past

"Hey. How old are you?"

"18."

"Sure you are. Are you here with him?" she gestured to Oscar

"Yes. He's all mine and you can't have him." I said, stopping my foot and pouting

"No, I don't want him." She said still looking at me "But you be careful. Every week he's in this pub with another girl, probably so that he can get her drunk enough to go home with him"

"I am NOT drunk!" I exclaim, before stumbling into the washroom.

When I came out again, i went to Oscar

"Heya Oscar" i whispered in what i thought was a sexy voice. Later i found out I wasn't whipsering and it wasn't sexy

"Libby.,,,why are you talking like that?"

"Because I'ts sheksy Oscaaaaar" I said

"Libby. you're drunk. I have to take you home"

"Oh no. we can't do it at my house, my vati would have a fit!"

"Libby... what are you talking about?" he looks at me "I said I have to get you home so you're dad doesnt kill me."

"He'd definaltey kill you if knew we had sex..."

Oscar looked at me wide eyed "Libby...we're not going to.. well.. not tonight anyway. You can barely stand for starters. You're not legal age either."

"Well. I'm not legal age for this either." i said pointing to the empty bottle. but that didn't stop..."

The barman turned to look at him "Oi, Oscar mate! you said she was 18"

"She is... she's just.." he turned to me, looking angry "Libby shut up."

"Can we puhleeese..."

"Libby, c'mon. you need to get home before you're father finds out and kills me."

We left the pub then, and When i got home, Oscar kissed me goodnight at the door. yummy excellent snogger if i do say so myself. I can, because i snogged him.

I knocked on the door "dingdongdoorbell" i said laughing

Vati answered the door. "Libby! where wear you. We nearly called the Police."

"I told you. i was out studying." i mumbled , brushing past him.

"Libby. wait. come back here!" Vati said. "Is that alcohol i smell?"

"Must be you" i retorted, trying to talk my way out of going downstairs

"LIBBY!" Dad roared "COME DOWN HERE NOW!"

"Dad...what's going on?" asked Georgia from the top of the stairs, as vati's roaring had woken her up.

"You're little sister's come home drunk."

"I am NOT" i protested.

Suddenly, i felt strange... like queazy. like i was 5 and had the stomach flu. and thats when i puked on the floor.


	8. Azkatrazed

4 pm

Mum and Dad aren't back yet. Georgia is sitting on the couch, patting her belly and talking to it.

Pregnancy must make you go bonkers.

Still...in her current state of madnosity, maybe i can convince her just to let me pop out to the shops to get a new lippy

4:15 pm

"Georgia?"

"mmhmm"

"Can i quickly pop down to the shops to buy a new lippy?"

"I guess so. just hurry back before mum and dad get home"

"Ok. uhm.."

"what?"

"Can I borrow a fiver?"

"NO! Libby, just GO!"

4:35 pm.

Waiting by the phonebox for the gang to show up.

All i see are cars cars cars...

4:40

somebody's just driven by in an old red clowncar.

wearing an old set of flying googles and a weird mustache...

4:43

Its vati. uh-ho...

perhaps if i just duck really low, he won't see me.

He's looking straight at me...

although that may be because i've got my hood over my eyes and i'm hopping around like a derranged rabbit.

4:45 pm

"LIBBY NICOLSON!"

he's shouting at me from the other side of the street. this is sooo embarassing. more embarassing then when they perform acts of pornography in the living room while my mates are over.

Perhaps if i pretend I don't know him, he'll go away/

"LIBBY!. You're supposed to be at home, because you are GROUNDED!"

5:30 pm

Apparently, i am no longer just confined to the house, i'm also confined to my room. I feel i'm a prisoner in that place...Azkaban...oh. no. i mean Alcatraz.

I'm only allowed to go downstairs for meals. no telly. no eastenders, no corrie, no casualty. no fun.

5:45 pm

i was innocently enough dancing around to music in my room, when dad banged on the door.

"Libby... you can come out now."

"Maybe I don't want to"

"Well can I come in?"

"No"

"We need to talk"

Suddenly it feels like my life is a bad episode of Corrie.

"We can talk through the door..."

6:00 pm

Vati has once again, completely and utterly ignored me. I may as well be invisable.

"Libby..."

He's sitting on my bed... why is he sitting on my bed? If tries to "be comforting" i'm going to scream.loud.

"When I was a young boy..."

"Before the time of christ?" I ask

"Yes...NO!. Anyway. we used to party, and drink, and flirt with girls...actually it's how i met your mother..."

Gads. soon he's going to be telling me Georgia was concieved in the back of some Mini. Or in dad's case, a clown car.

"Vati, as much as i would like to know about life during ancient times...What is your point?"

6:30 pm

He's just stormed out of my room in a huff, saying im "immature" and "childish"

cheers.

Tuesday .

9:45 am

Georgia, being the nice, kind, big sister that she is, has let me out of my room for the day.

"Georgia..."

"hmmm"

"Do you mind if I go out for a bit"

"Yes. vati was pretty angry last night"

"Why?"

"Well. he's still mad you came home drunk, AND you let me let you out of the house..."

"I wasn't drunk!"

Lovely.

Georgia's just fallen off the chair laughing.

She's probably given the baby an indented head or something.

10:00 am

I wasn't drunk

Was I?

I mean, sure, i may have thrown up all over the stairs,

I may have called vati a baboon's arse.

and a twat

and a wanker

... So?


End file.
